Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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