I want to walk on stilts...naked
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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