i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
