my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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