i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
