im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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