I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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