Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
