whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
