Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
