So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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