So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
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