i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I need to calm my uterus...
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
