I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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