Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
