how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
