dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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