He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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