i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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