I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
time to smoke my breakfast
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
