I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
