my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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