garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
