I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
