i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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