Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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