Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
