Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
