i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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