I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
