I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
