We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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