I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
how does that bad decision feel?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
