Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
