that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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