i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
You smell like stripper and shame
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
