So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
