I just saw a hot homeless man
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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