The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Randomize
