six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
