Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
