apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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