wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
