alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
