Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
