I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
