Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
