Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
You are a genius and a whore.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
