Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
