dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize