Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
