good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
