OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
