I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Randomize