Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
he was CRYING into my vagina
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Randomize
