I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
