He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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