so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Randomize