I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
