i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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