Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
