i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
