if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
