Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
You are the jesus of drinking
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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