It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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