this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Randomize
