Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Randomize
