i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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