My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
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