Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
