Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I have aggressive nipples.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize