You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
