I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
