the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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