there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
