Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
