I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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