New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
