2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
