mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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