just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
