Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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