I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
