You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
