if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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