my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
