i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
You are the jesus of drinking
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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