True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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