I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
