The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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