***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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