just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize