dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
