There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Randomize
