Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
