Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
he shaved USA in his pubs
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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