I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Randomize
