why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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