mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
