I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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