Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
We're too hungover to prance.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
