3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Use "feeling words"
Yay
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize