I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I love you.
Bad choice
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
