if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
