So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
