I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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