dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
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