If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
ugly people sure do ruin things
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
