if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
4 words: hood of his car
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
