my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
