im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
