when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
